This Crap Ticks Me Off . . . customer service hardly means customer service. Here are the top five reasons:

1. No one answers the telephone anymore.
We live in the “Now Generation.” We want things now, expect things now, and need things now. As technology meets these needs in a very timely fashion, our expectations of “now” increase dramatically. Suddenly what used to be known as “now” isn’t fast enough. We need receive our emails faster, obtain our connections faster, and find a cure faster. Surprisingly enough, we usually get our way. And with technology advancing at a compounding rate, we can easily replace thousands of payroll dollars with the latest and greatest automated answering service. On the flipside, we end up neglecting our customers, leaving them aggravated and feeling as if they were standing at the license bureau with a paper stub.

2. Telephone systems do more transfers in a day than most banks do in a year.
How many times have you made a transfer at the bank and the teller looks at you and makes the obnoxious sound of a dial tone? No matter how savvy you might be with automated answering systems, being transferred to another department is inevitable – and being disconnected in the process usually is too. And when you get transferred, Jennifer can’t help you but gives you the telephone number of another department to call. Refer to #1 here.

3. "0” only repeats the main menu options.
Options 1 through 8 are not relevant departments for your dilemma. In hopes of reaching any human life form available, you press “0.” This option results in the same monotone recording of options 1 through 8. Refer to #1 here.

4. Companies forfeit customers rather than providing minuscule credits or replacement parts.
Both you and the customer service representative agree the rules were a little confusing. Or, even though you paid your bill in full and on time, some how finance charges were applied to your account. Worse yet, you purchase a product that doesn’t turn out to work as intended and you are required to pay a 15% restocking fee. It’s simple. Treat others as you would like to be treated. Yes, business is business and pennies make dollars, but if the customer didn’t receive the proper explanation of the rules up front, at least try to come up with a fair compromise. If the customer has an excellent payment history and misses the online deadline by an hour, remove the $50.00 finance charge and keep them a happy customer. And if a customer bought a product that doesn’t work as intended, return it and suggest an alternative. Repeat business is huge business. And huge business could mean huge dollars for your company.

5. SOS employee training programs.
These are what I call, “Sink Or Swim” training programs. Companies throw employees into the water with a few instruction manuals, an outline of company policies, and a wish of good luck. Companies follow the mentality if the job is relatively simple, the training should be relatively simple. If the job is relatively complicated, the person in position is being paid enough to figure it out along the way. Furthermore, college educated new hires should know the company before they inquire within. Here it is folks: training is training and experience should be considered superfluous. I might be college educated, but I wouldn’t have the slightest idea on the best way to run a McDonald’s kitchen or even the register for that matter. I’m sure I could figure it out, but why sacrifice customer satisfaction in the process? No matter how knowledgeable the person, take the time to train your employees properly. You’ll spend more time developing new business and less time apologizing for bad business.

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Customer service means providing service to your customers. What kind of service, meaning quality of service, does your company want to provide to your customers? If this question cannot be answered promptly and precisely, I can almost guarantee one of your customers is being dissatisfied at this very moment. If you can answer this question, are you sure this vision is being implemented throughout various departments of the company? And are those procedures relevant to each department in the same way? I understand it is nearly impossible to have all ducks in a row at every place every time. But what can you “do better” to make sure your ducks are at least wading in the same pond, and when they are not, maintain customer satisfaction while they migrate?

Maybe people won't mind all the crap around the duck pond if helping them through it is implemented in your business plan.